That was the message God was giving me so clearly that horrible day when my beautiful child, my only daughter, Lacy, passed away at the young age of 30. I had received the call around 9 am, the call every parent who has a child that suffers from the disease of addiction prays will never come. On the other end of the phone, a man was speaking, telling me Lacy wasn’t breathing and he hadn’t been able to find the phone… so he had been running around the apartment complex trying to find a person who could help revive her. He finally found a maintenance man who came and tried to resuscitate her. He hadn’t been able to. When the paramedics arrived, they said it was too late. She had been gone for a while at that point. My hope was that they were wrong and they could still resuscitate her. I was in my car, driving by then to her apartment on the east side of town, about 25 minutes away. It didn’t seem real. My husband had left for Kansas City that morning for business, so when I called, he immediately turned around and headed back. This man who was with my daughter was a so-called friend of hers who had started supplying her with drugs in those past several years.
It’s been a little over 9 years and I still can hardly type these words without that heavy feeling entering into my heart and seeing her beautiful smiling face looking at me with love, like she did. As I waited in the yard while the police treated the apartment like a crime scene, until it was ruled out, I heard God’s wisdom in my mind. He had shown up for me, like so many other times in my life. God was there, and he was holding me up. I am always amazed by the Lord of all things, the Alpha and Omega, the God who created me and everything in this world, was immediately present to safeguard me from falling into a place of darkness that I wouldn’t be able to withstand. That phrase was loud inside of me…”Be In Agreement With Me.” He wanted me to come along beside him, in agreement that he had saved her from something possibly worse than her passing into heaven to be with him, her loving Savior.
That acceptance took many years. I consistently have heard God’s loving message, and it has made such an impact on my faith and healing throughout this grief journey. I know that God’s word is true. Psalm 34:18 tells us that “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” I imagine that in the same way God has comforted so many others on the worst days of their lives, God can rescue you and help you to keep moving forward… ever so slowly but faithfully holding you up. Lean into him and he will refresh your brokenness and teach you how to get to the end of yourself. In doing that you can be the moldable clay that he needs you to be as he makes you into his masterpiece!